Living with
Atopic Dermatitis

People often just say it’s your skin, it’s fine, you still have your limbs, you’re still able to walk, you’re still able to get out of bed, this is not life threatening, you’re not going to die from this. But you know, it is quite traumatizing − the lack of sleep, the emotional turmoil and what I like to call psychological warfare eventually takes its toll.

The biggest impact my eczema’s had on my life has been the lack of sleep. I do not think that I have slept a full night since I was a baby. That itch can lead to so much anxiety and so much emotional turmoil because your mind wants you to stop but your body needs you to keep going and then your hands do so much damage to your skin and that becomes a vicious cycle of stress. I have often scratched to the point of open sores or wounds and that level of discomfort is unbearable. That’s when I usually call in sick or I am not able to, you know, continue on with day-to-day functioning.

Atopic dermatitis has definitely had an impact on any new person that I meet and in any social gathering but specifically when it comes to dating and intimacy, I find it very stressful. You know, when I first met my husband he did not know a single person who had ever had atopic dermatitis. He barely even knew what it was. You know, he also underestimated what this meant for me and what this would mean for us going forward. He wants to help but he doesn’t know how. And sadly for him, I think this has impacted his sleep as well. So I don’t sleep at night and neither does he. It does sometimes impact the level of intimacy and the level of comfort that we are able to have. Now, five years in, we are at a good point. But in the beginning stages of our marriage, when we were first living together, I think he didn’t understand why I didn’t always want to be hugged. I didn’t always want to be touched. I didn’t always want to hold hands even just walking down the street. And now I think he understands that it’s not about him and it’s not about our relationship but it’s about how I’m feeling and that has been a really big struggle and a big hurdle we’ve had to overcome in our marriage.

To me I look in the mirror and I see somebody who was just ugly. And it’s sad to say but that’s just the reality, like you don’t…you don’t value yourself at all. You look in the mirror and you see something that’s gross and disgusting.

So I think there was a point where I was very depressed. And there’s still a point where there are days where I don’t want to get out of bed because you don’t want to face people and you certainly don’t want to have your best foot forward be, you know, open wounds and sores and marks on your face that people see.

I constantly fear that my child will also have eczema. The thought of this baby, male or female, having this from infancy to adulthood, I don’t know if I can cope. And I am not sure that I’m equipped to cope with managing my own condition and then managing for this child as well.